Title:
CandlelightSummary: "Why?! Why am I mad, completely insane?! Oh, a number of reasons! I've just completely fallen in life, all the way down! I have no other way to go, I'm gone, I've lost any sense of reason having to do with emotions, I have none left! In fact, I have three souls living in my fucking body, all of whom I can't fucking get rid of!" His voice lowered to a whisper, as he stared straight ahead with the sadistic smile left still upon his face. "Not even my own."
Disclaimer: I don't own Angel Sanctuary, or any of the characters mentioned. I don't really own anything related to the series, except this story, which I have a certain fondness for -- so please don't sue.
This story is dedicated to Lilli-chan, who has inspired me many times over and more. I love you, Lilli, and I hope you love this story. ^_^ And me, of course.
.*.*.*.*
The candle flickered waveringly over the shadows in the room, which was dark; there was to be no such else light in this place. It was a worn candle -- hot wax dripped down slowly, running gently along the outline of the gray and white frame. Bubbles emerged in the top of the candle, causing ripples to form along the upper shaft of the flickering form.
A lone figure lay in the shadows, watching the candle. The shadows were long and tensed; they wavered with the candles and moaned slightly with the breeze flowing from no where in particular -- there was no windows in the room, nor any door. It was empty save for the figure in the shadows, hiding behind what seemed a mask of darkness and stains. Eyes burned in the distance, glowing, reflected in the images of the blue. What for its good, the candle wavered, the slight blue flame slowly burning itself out, burning itself out into oblivion in the sound of the silence.
"Why," the figure said softly, "do you go out, my friend?"
The candle paled, as if in answer, blinking slowly, in a trance, dancing in an endless light of steps known to all those before it. It was a small light. Not one worth taking. Why he'd had it in his dwelling he did not know, for he hated light, light in general, the light of astral beings the most… yet…
"There is a part of me that longs for it," he whispered, "and I cannot get rid of him, no matter how I try."
You are not who you think yourself to be.
The sound of the air forming patterns; he looked up to see another figure in the scaffolds, the outline of whom was slim. He smiled restlessly and leaned back on the black satin cushions, watching her cross over to him.
"Lord may eat, if Lord wishes." She stated calmly, falling into a sitting position and grinning half-heartedly, conjuring the tray from her hands to before her beloved. "One's lord has not eaten for so very long."
"I'm not hungry."
"Of course not. I did not suggest one's lord was. I said that one's lord might eat if one wishes." Silence. She cringed slightly, feeling the rush of heated air blow her way, full of emotion converted into one meaning, simply placed, held upon its own. "I see," she whispered, her dark eyes showing a bit of an emotion not as quite foreign to her as others believed. "I will go, Lord. Please, eat, if Lord wishes." Backing up, she willed herself to the air, about to take flight into the beacons of the skyfolds, when --
"Belial."
She turned, the grateful smile plastered on her features, the gratitude sketched deeply on her skin. "Yes, one's lord."
"Do I look like my brother?"
The grateful look suddenly turned to one of shock and she fell quite suddenly out of the perfumed air, landing in a heap upon the scarlet cushions laid about the room. Shivering slightly in an aftermath, her wide, violet eyes looked scathingly into the darkness around her. "W-what… do you mean, one's lord?"
"I mean what I say. Do I look like my brother?"
"I-I --" She shivered, feeling the air turn icy cold with a smirk tugging along the edge.
"You don't know, do you?"
The wind blew full force and she flew forcibly towards the edge of the stone wall, dripping with blood and vomit, rattling the bones that were changed to it. A smile, a quick perk of air, and she flowed towards him weakly, propelled by forces not her own. Stroking her face with slender, pale fingers, and stepping forth into the blue light, he grinned, his hazel pupils widening with glee and cold hardness he had all the while.
"Let me tell you a secret, Belial-chan."
Tracing the tear-shaped markings underneath her eyes in slow motions, he exhaled slowly, the grin disappearing as quickly as it had come.
"Never. Not. Know. Around. Me."
She gave a small cry unwillingly as he dug his fingernails into her pale skin, injecting poisonous juices contracted at his will. She slumped into a dark heap along the dripping floor, her shorn and tattered wings shown black, rips and tears lining the once soft feathers lined.
Smile. Weep. Be happy, Oniichan. You're always so sad.
"Its dangerous for your health."
She had gone straight to sleep after the events that had taken so long to happen. She was tired, and emotionally drained, feeling almost nothing except the sleepy numbness one feels when they are in delayed shock. She mused later, of course, that it was actually quite ironic. The things she had hated most, coming back to haunt her after years of being one of them.
Had was the key word here.
She was the organic angel. The beautiful one. She had sacrificed that which she loved most; she was lovely, and powerful, and disastrous. The combinations of all were not to be tried among those of her status; she should have never listened. She feared the destruction of her brother. He was all she had left.
Alexiel, organic angel of life, highest in all heaven, reduced to a shivering, weeping child in the aftermath of the loss of a human. A human! The things that they all despised; the lumbering, evil creatures, worse than the demons when provoked -- the things they were forced to watch over throughout over their days. Their duty -- protect the mortals who live upon the realm of Assiah. Keep peace for them. Uphold their lives, intervene when necessary. Guard the chosen ones.
Then, of course, you were free to wreck havoc amongst yourselves, tortured by mortal qualities learned by thousands of years of guarding the terrible creatures.
Animals. Animals, they were, for they had senses that the holy ones were tainted by years before their unsettlement. It was a dripping, small curse that held itself up for years -- it killed them slowly, tearing away at their sense of right and wrong until there was no more left of their ideals; they were gone, and the sins left in their place. She had watched it happen, and laughed, knowing it would slowly bring upon her her own doom. She hadn't cared at the time, as long as she was able to breathe for a short breathing time. It was like a drug you couldn't get out of your system -- drug. Another mortal notion, although her brother had taken to it, in the sort of fondness one would bring a child. It wasn't the way things were meant to be, but it was the way they were. And the fact that she even missed the life she half despised plagued her to no end.
"Its all a paradox," she muttered, raking a hand threw her new short hair -- oh! how she despised him for cutting her beautiful hair -- and the grasses that waved in the blowing wind softly. "It happens ages old, and we knew it would happen, and didn't stop it."
It was childish, in a way, that she should miss the life. It had brought new things her way that she only managed to dodge by chance, and she hated it. Hated it. Despised it with all her heart, wished she had never come to the land of Assiah, wishing for her brother and for home and for her sword. Well, she didn't exactly miss the sword, but she wished to slash into something and kill something.
Oh, so now she was into killing, was she? She smiled, snorting at the very outcome of the stupid notion. How very ironic -- first she misses humans, then she misses swords, then she misses killing people.
"It's quite simple, really," she said calmly, feeling the sun hit her back brightly and feeling herself bristle at the touch of the light. "I've gone completely and honestly mad. Freaking mad."
"You're underestimating yourself again, honey."
She turned around, frowned, struck her arm back; he dodged it, sat down next to her, and curled up into a happy little ball. Touching her shoulder, he saw stars instantly and, with the help of a little technique he liked to call "scootching away", he regained his sense of balance with the sight of her pretty face looming over him with one eyebrow raised.
"You're a nuisance, Raphael, a fucking nuisance. And I mean that literally."
"Thank you, dearie."
"And stop calling me dearie. It makes you seem so old."
"And it also makes you feel young."
"Nope."
He grinned. She was beautiful, he was enjoying the view, it was a good day. The years were young; they'd been saved, all of them, and the light was there and it was good. She was laid out upon the newly grown grass that adorned their revolutionized world; the undoable had been done, and all was right in the universe. Things were right. Finally. He was home, she was home -- he'd missed her, as they all had. They had wept for days… never really stopped weeping, for she was their beloved, their love; and a fine piece of ass, if honesty was to be an issue. He'd lusted after her for much of his life -- keeping away, warily, showing emotion for her as he broke the women he climbed over… but he'd realized, as once again they all had, the thing that took her away. She was different from the rest, especially from the newly born; she had a goddess body, but she was not one to be lusted after. She was different, for she had died and lived in the mortal realm, and those people she had called her friends now watched her with pity in their eyes. She was almost half-mortal, it seemed. Emotions crept through her body unlike those of the others; she thought like a mortal, longed for things like a mortal. Loved like a mortal.
And so was the fear and pity they held in their eyes. He was immune to it, of course; he had always been a step ahead, a step ahead of the crowd in realizing things; it had happened since he had been created. Things weren't placed in your way. You had to work for them. And he did -- he did, oh he did. Blinking rapidly, he forced his gaze to above her neck and tried to concentrate on the words coming out of her full lips.
"…I miss him."
Feeling the cold feeling worm its way back into his spine, he smiled weakly and asked quietly the words which they had all been thinking. "Why?"
She started, blinking rapidly as the clear liquid rose and hazed in her eyes. She had the ability to cry, as none other did; she was special and hell if he didn't know it. He envied her -- he would have cried many a time if he were able. "Why? Because he was my brother, Raphael. He was my other half. I couldn't live without him. I can't. And its scaring me…." She trailed off, shivering slightly, her wings shuffling widely along the curve of her back. "I'm afraid, Raph. I'm afraid that I'll go back."
"What?" He stared at her, as she blanched quickly at the harshness of his reply. "You're not right, Alex-chan. You need to rest," he whispered, reaching out to touch her hair and winced as she pulled away, her eyes full of pain.
"You don't understand! I was happy there! There was no memories, no terrors, no anything! I was safe, completely safe, I could live and breathe without fear or contempt or hatred or anything else! I had him, just him, and I lived with him and thought like him and pleasured with him… it was wonderful, Raphael. You would go back to." She said, her voice wavering, the hazy liquid overflowing and running down her cheeks, her eyes staring blank. "I'm surprised that I didn't go back sooner. It's been twenty years on Assiah. He'll remember me. I know he will."
"Alex! Snap out of it!" He cried harshly, shaking her hard as her eyes blanked, filled with the clear liquid that he suddenly despised. "You don't know what you're saying! We need you here! You're not right!"
"No," she said gleefully, enjoying her moment of truth. "You never needed me here. You needed him -- you needed him, and that's all you needed, and don't try and deny it!" Laughing outright at his horrified expression, she spread her wings wide, grinning with tears streaming down her cheeks in floods. "You only needed him and only him -- you had no use for me! I created him out of all I had! He was my other half, my soulmate!" The hazy light around her suddenly turned sharp around her, as the wound together into her hands, forming a ghost of an image long forgotten. "I miss them both, the two! Twenty years ago, Assiah willing, I held him I in my arms and he was there and well. We changed together, we flew away… and then he left, and he left and he didn't say goodbye."
The ring swirled, showing emotions and colors moaning together, crying out, while he looked on in horror as she grinned through it all. "I remember," she whispered. "I know who he was, in thought and color, Healer. He freed me and I will pay him back. He had reason to wipe my memories and I know why. I remember him."
"…No…" He whispered, as his stomach contracted and his eyes hurt painfully, for lack of the salty liquid. They were lucky in a way, for they had a power the tenshi didn't; they were emotions, pure emotions, torn inside and out by them, living for them. "…We need you, Alexiel-sama! We need you all!" He sobbed without tears, "all of you! You held us together!"
"No," she whispered back, "you hold yourselves together." She smiled, suddenly, full blast, and reached out, grabbing him and hugging him as hard as she could. "Thank you," she said softly. "For a lot of things. Goodbye, Raphael-kun, healer of angels." Stroking his cheek as he looked to her in shock, she kissed his forehead and stepped back, glowing with a faint yellow light inherited from her creator --
"We will meet again."
Curse the demons. They could cry too.
*.*.*.*
Author's note: Ok. Now, I know what you're thinking: HE KILLED HER! HE FREAKING KILLED HER?! WHAT HAPPENED!? I know that you're thinking this because the person that I had read it before I posted it expressed this emotion. He did NOT kill her, he merely knocked her out. He loves her, really, in my opinion. He's got three souls living in his body. They left their memories behind, to keep him safe, for they knew what was going to happen. Setsuna still has that piece. And he remembers Kira Sakuya, no matter what he denies.
Now, on with the explanations: I have this created this fic to explain what happened after the end. As you probably know, at the end of the series Lucifer and Alexiel fly away together, changed into butterflies. That's what she's talking about when she said that they had changed and he had flown away. She had not remembered this previously, in my version — he had wiped her memory, having a previous change of *heart* and deciding that she would be better off without him — or, some sudden change of non heart, and deciding that he was too good for her. The reader will decide for now — I may include this later.
This story is a story to develop on the character's feelings and emotions throughout the aftermath of this amazing phenomenon that happened at the end of the world. Mudo Setsuna will be included in later chapters; but this is a developing romance and many things elsewise: you recall how Mikael had burst into tears at the end of the series, because all he wanted was his older brother back? Well. We'll be certainly developing into that emotion, and the emotion that Lucifer feels for his younger brother.
Angels are not born: they are expected to grow old in a short time, so as to serve their god in high above. It is not fair for this thought; its no wonder they are inexperienced, considering that they are treated as adults since the day they are created. So I have developed on this idea and created a paradox of dreams: angels are young, if not children, when they are born, having not been born with the knowledge, for true wisdom comes from experience. So the memories later on in this story will be continued with memories of the different counterparts, including those who are dead.